ASSOCIATED NEWS (AN) - Yesterday, some psychotic nutcase in [insert city and state here] named [insert name of loser here] used a [insert type of guns] to kill [insert number] innocent people and to wound an additional [insert number] innocent people, between the ages of [insert number] and [insert number]. The senseless slaughter took place in the [name of institution] at [insert time of day]. The wounded were taken to [insert name of hospital here].
The National Gun Lobby (NGL) expressed their condolences to the loved ones and reminded the public of NGL's school educational program, known as the "3-Rs of Safety" -- Reading, wRiting, & Rifles -- which is offered free-of-cost to all first grade students, if the school will simply provide loaded handguns and concealed weapon permits to the students, so they may protect themselves from psychotic losers.
The National Gun Lobby (NGL) expressed their condolences to the loved ones and reminded the public of NGL's school educational program, known as the "3-Rs of Safety" -- Reading, wRiting, & Rifles -- which is offered free-of-cost to all first grade students, if the school will simply provide loaded handguns and concealed weapon permits to the students, so they may protect themselves from psychotic losers.
How Utterly Absurd!!
